Lady #3:
VSGAL weighs in...
Chivalry is not dead you know, it's just rare these days.
Admittedly, women are fickle creatures, and their reactions
to being "hit on" often depend on their current mood. That
being said, if a women is looking irritated and angry, it
may be best to leave her be. However, I've also had the
pleasant experience of a man buying me a drink "because it
looks like you might need it, sorry you are having a bad
day" and thus sparks a complete change in my mood and
instead of an annoyed glare, I give him a smile, as the
gentleman has shown some much needed chivalry and his timing
was impeccable.
My favorite way to be "hit on" is when a man starts with
polite conversation, and then buys me a drink. If I want to
flirt, I will do so. If not, then I usually make it pretty
clear that I'm not available but I do thank him for the
drink, etc.
Examples: Excuse me, I haven't dined here before, what do
you recommend that is good?
If I'm in a flirty mood: Why don't' you buy me a drink and
we can discuss it over cocktails?
If I'm not in the mood: I recommend the steak, my husband
and I had it last time we were here. It's wonderful. he's
nearly here and will want another taste, so good luck with
your dinner."
or some such similar line wherein I mention that I am taken
and excuse myself from conversing, etc.
Most of the time, if she mentions her significant other in
the conversation - especially up front, she may be hinting
that you came on too strong, or she is not available and to
go bark up another tree - as it were.
Grocery Stores:
In my opinion this is not the best place to hit on a woman.
However, if you have seen her multiple times, and you
perhaps have had lighthearted-neutral chit-chat before
(perhaps you both reached for the same can in the fruit
aisle, etc) - the key is to START SLOW and build on it.
"We keep running into each other, I may as well introduce
myself... "Hello My name is John" etc." and then see how the
conversation goes. Then
"Would you like to get a cup of coffee sometime?" and if she
goes along with it, gradually build up to lunch, then dinner
date, etc. Don't rush into the "come over at 7pm, I'll
have a candle-lit dinner waiting for you" - it just isn't
the appropriate time or place for that sort of thing.
Perhaps invite her to a social function like "Some friends
and I were going to go out for drinks at 7pm, I'd love it if
you could join us. Feel free to bring a friend if you
prefer." That works because you aren't pinning her
down to one-on-one time with you, but yet if she goes, you
will definitely have a chance to talk more with her.
Also if she is allowed to bring a friend, it makes her feel
more at ease and more likely to see you.
Typically though, women are shopping for a set purpose or
reason and standing around the produce near the stinky
onions is not the place to catch a man or a woman.
Just my 2 cents.
~~~~~~~~~~~
My best advice to would-be-suitors is to approach a woman in
public at a restaurant or bar or dining event or other
social function:
DO:
Try to get a feel for her mood before approaching her.
Open the door for her if applicable.
Smile, be friendly.
Do be kind, gentlemanly, respectful
If she's at a bar and there's a stool next to her, you may
walk up and speak to her, but do not sit down unless
invited, or she indicates she is not waiting for a companion
to join her. Or if its the only seat available, ask if
it is taken... etc.
Ask if you can buy her a drink.
If she wants you to leave, please DO make yourself scarce.
Respect her space
Understand the difference between neutral chit-chat and
actual interest. If you aren't sure, ask, usually it is
pretty obvious.
Be witty, humorous, and fun.
Find common ground in the conversation. Tell her about your
job (briefly) then ask what does she do for a living? etc.
"Oh wow you must have to be a multi-tasking genius for that
job..." Flatter her a bit but in a neutral way, then
work up to the heavy stuff.
Make light humor part of the banter, and as you go you can
work in some innuendo or flirtatious-ness. But don't overdo
it in the beginning of the chit-chat.
DON'T:
Be smashing drunk when you hit on a woman, it most likely
will not go well.
If she's alone at a table, DON'T Go sit down next to her
without her invitation, although you may send her a drink
perhaps?
Don't immediately start telling her she is cute, hot,
adorable, etc. It is better to weave that into the
conversation later on. If you tell her that too soon,
it is TOO obvious that you are hitting on her and she may
not appreciate your lack of finesse.
Don't continue hitting on her, if you notice she is married,
with her boyfriend, waiting for her boyfriend, or otherwise
TELLS you she is expecting another male to join her soon.
Don't be leering at her.
Don't use foul language.
Don't stick around if she's made it clear she wants you to
leave.
Don't get her in personal space and try to get a better look
at her cleavage. That is just rude.
So, in short, be a gentleman. Start chit-chat with neutral
topics and light humor, then work your way up to the part
where you ask her out.
Be witty, fun, and aware of her mood. If you do ask her out,
ask small: coffee, a small group social function where she
is with other people and not solely alone with you, etc.
Work your way up to the romance, don't rush it.
Good luck guys!
Sincerely,
VSGAL |
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