I have often entertained the idea of doing a video myself.  But what keeps me away is the same thing that has always kept me away from everyone, the reality of not fitting in.  I remember as a teenager hoping, wishing, there was some connection to the outside world. Some way to get in touch with someone who cared to hear what I had to say, I guess that’s why I became a writer.  Someone must be reading this, right?   

I was always a lonely child; I never fit in like everyone else.  As I grew older my eccentricities were more noticeable, as well as female features, a culmination for disaster.  On one hand I attracted harassment from those who thought I was strange, or a devil worshipper, on the other hand I attracted those who were horny and looked at too much porn, and if I had another hand, that one is the odd one out; these experiences started my political drive for equality and acceptance for all, which attracted the racist and homophobic.   

Now, don’t get me wrong, all of these things were true, I wore black and was interested in Witchcraft because Christianity never settled well with me, never.  The female thing just happened, I couldn’t stop it, the more I covered up the more boys were interested in what I was hiding.  It was a no win situation with them.  And the homo thing, I was never offended for being called gay, I was offended that the friends who thought I was never took the time to hang out to find out that I wasn’t.  I can’t say my life has changed at all, but it has gotten better.  I knew then if I committed suicide I’d be wasting a lot of time.  I hate wasting time. But I had to come up with this all myself, all on my own.  I never felt I could approach my parents about any of these things and I still haven’t.  The reaction one gets once they are thrown out into the world with no defense, when teachers stand by and watch you being physically or verbally attacked and don’t do anything, when your parents talk poorly about gay people or other races, it is then you know you are truly alone.