Do you think that it had something to do with you being a shy person; that is why it developed that way? 

Maybe. 

That you were more insecure so now you’re worried that you might not be appealing? 

I don’t know, I can’t be sure. 

Have you ever had a client where you went there and they were like, uh, you’re not what I wanted? 

It has happened a few times, very few times. That hardly ever happens.  For one thing, they knew what they were getting when they got there and for another thing, now you’re here.  How many people turn away a pizza when it comes if it’s wrong?  Even if you get the pizza that isn’t what you ordered you still take it and you eat it because you want some pizza now. You’re not going to wait 30 minutes for them to bring you a different pizza, so that liked to never happen, but occasionally.  It’s a numbers game, like that thing about how you ask a whole bunch of people out will increase your confidence because when you have a lot of yeses the no’s are less relevant because you just think well these people are all fine with me fuck you.  So every once in a while someone will say something and I think you’re an idiot because all these people think I’m incredibly hot so fuck you asshole!  I feel good about that.  That’s also something that’s hard to give up, that constant reassurance about your appearance. ‘Oh, my god, you look so great, you look so great, you’re so hot, you’re so sexy, you’re so wonderful.’  Yes, I know.  Thank you for sharing though. 

Yeah, that was my next question.  You probably get that a lot. 

Yeah, and much more than anybody else, right? How do you give that up? 

People probably just, their mouths drop when you walk in the door. 

Yeah. And I know it’s not really about me, it’s about the persona and everything but so what, I’m the one here.  I was reading this thing the other day, it was really cute, about how sex work has made me less tolerant of people in some ways because I think, ‘You know I get paid to be nice so fuck you! I ain’t going to be nice to you for free!’  I think that frequently. ‘I’m not going to be pleasant to you, I get paid for that shit and it’s my day off!’  So…[that's a] problem. 

Do you go out socially a lot when you are not working? 

No, not very much. 

Is that just your personality? 

I think that’s just my personality. I’ve especially noticed, and my spouse always got frustrated with this, that if I’m not working I don’t want to get dressed up, like, at all.  I don’t want to put on makeup; I don’t want to put on accessories, fuck that.  I get paid for that, I’m not going to do it because it’s work.  People act like, ‘Oh no, getting dressed up is pampering yourself.’ That’s bullshit, men don’t do it.  It’s work.  I get paid for that crap.  I ain’t going to do it for free on my day off.  So I’m going to be wearing these jeans and this t-shirt and we can go where ever you want, that’s fine… 'But wouldn’t it be fun to get dressed up?’ Sure, it would be fun for you to get dressed up, I get dressed up every damn day, and it’s not fun for me.  I have to have this obsession with my hair every day.  I want to relax today and not do my hair.