So you said you don’t do that as often? Or at all anymore, you said you are in a relationship now? 

I am. 

Did that stop you from having a lot of sex?  Did you meet her in the line of having sex or did you stop having sex with everybody and start looking for a meaningful relationship? 

No, I kept fucking everything that moved. 

And you just happened upon her? 

I happened upon her. Again, it’s another reason why we are anonymous but much like these things go, you tend to meet people when you are having one night stands and occasionally somebody sticks.  We all have this idea that we all meet in some sweet romantic way.  On YouTube they call it Meet Cute where everybody tells these stories of ‘Oh I wasn’t going to go out and pick roses today and I did and that’s when I met…and we’ve been married five years!’  Yeah, some people pick each other up and just fuck each other before they really learn their names and then they stay married for twenty five years.  Not everybody meets romantically or ‘meets cute,’ some people have a one night stand with somebody who sticks around.  And I’ve been in a few significant relationships and I met my first wife in high school but beyond that they are all tales of debauchery.  And that’s how we met, I met her on a dating site and it just happened.  I can’t say that I wasn’t looking for a relationship, like I didn’t intend to have a one night stand and nothing more but I didn’t necessarily intend to have a relationship either.  I was really open to both possibilities and we got together had a nice conversation, we spent some time together then like five months went by and I realized she hadn’t left yet.  So that’s obviously very meaningful but again it takes work, all relationships are work and there’s no bullshit, ‘Oh the power of her love makes me never look at another woman.’

Oh, no, I look at other women all the time. I’m not blind. And if she broke up with me tomorrow I would go back to having sex with strangers until I was in another relationship.  Ultimately for me I want to be in a relationship and that means giving this other thing up and that’s easier for some people and harder for others.  I have other options.  I could have sex with other people if I wanted to but I chose not to because this other relationship is meaningful.  I could eat at this restaurant but I’m choosing to eat at this restaurant.  I have agency.  The reason I am in a monogamous relationship is not because I can’t have sex with other people it’s because I chose not to have sex with other people. This relationship is more meaningful than a string of one night stands.  Not to say that one night stands aren’t good, just being in a committed relationship is better.  I’m not saying it never represents loss…sometimes it does. Of course it does. And that’s just life though.  I gave it up.  There are a million examples, parents say well I can’t do that anymore because I have kids but they were happy to give that up because they wanted kids, they trade one for another.  I traded one for another and it was a good trade, if that ever changes I’ll make a different decision. 

That’s why I asked you the hunt or the catch, you’re in a relationship, obviously, and you’re still having sex?  It’s not like you’re giving up sex, you’re giving up having sex with different people.

Right, I gave up variety!