What advice would you give to a sex addict and what advice would you give to someone involved with a recovered sex addict? 

The only advice I have for any sex addict is don’t lie, play safe. You have a responsibility to yourself and your partner to practice safe sex; if you don’t want to be a parent don’t get somebody pregnant. I’m speaking from a man’s perspective. And it's not worth dying over.  I don’t want anyone to die because they got laid last Friday.  Or, you know, have scaly balls or some shit.  It’s like anything, I don’t have a problem with people driving really fast either, but don’t go drive 90 through my neighborhood, go to a race track.  It’s all about responsibility. Personal responsibility applies everywhere and specifically in sex.  You owe it to yourself, you owe it to your partner, and I say the ‘don’t lie’ thing because it’s not right to use people for any reason. I’m not going to take five dollars out of your purse when you’re not looking, and I’m not going to trick you into having sex with me. This isn’t appropriate when you are dealing with people.  Don’t be a jerk.  If it’s really bothering you and you want to stop, seek therapy.  But again, I think the therapy might be, ‘Why do you think your behavior is bad?’  If you spent the exact amount of time going to movies you wouldn’t think that you were a movie addict you would think it was just your hobby.  You’re not hurting anybody so maybe you should just consider whether or not you’re actually an addict or whether you’ve allowed society to label your innocuous behavior as wrong. 

As far as being in a relationship with somebody, again sex addiction is not an excuse, whether it’s true or not, it’s still not an excuse.  If you’re dating somebody and he’s like, ‘Oh, I’m sorry that I had sex with your roommate, I’m an addict.’ Break up with his ass. If one of the agreements in your relationship is that he or she didn’t do this and they did it, the end. They broke it.  Who cares why they did it, the end. He or she is clearly not ready to be monogamous.  One of the things that you want is a monogamous relationship; this is not a good coupling.  I know it’s easier said than done.  We’ve all forgiven our loved ones in things that we never thought we’d settle for, I understand that.  But sexual compatibility is a big thing.  If you’re somebody who wants to have sex four times a week and you marry somebody who wants to have sex once a month there’s going to be conflict.  It’s inevitable.  That’s a pretty large chasm to get over so make sure you’re sexually compatible.  Sex addicts tend to like a lot of sex and they tend to get grumpy if they don’t get it.  I just think that’s good advice in general.  Lots of things cause conflicts in relationships, but sex is a big one.  I really think it’s a core component of people’s personalities.  What you like sexually, how often you want it, sex drives and things like this; these are biologically based. You’re not going to be able to get over it with love and understanding and I think people are dismissive of that.  ‘Well if she loves me she’ll have more sex.’ Not necessarily.

 It gets tricky, there are always compromises to be made, of course, but you can’t ask somebody to go from one to nine, just like you can’t ask somebody to go from ten to two.  If you’re a little bit off, she’s a four, I’m a six, you can compromise at five, there’s some give and take here.  But if you’re an everyday kind of guy and she’s a once a year kind of girl, yeah I think you need to move on.  And there is nothing wrong with either.  That’s the thing that I would say though.  You’re not bad for wanting a lot of sex or vice versa.  I’m sort of buying into the idea that women are the ones who don’t want to have sex.  My previous wife and I were good for each other because we both had extremely high sex drives, every day was good for us but that would drive other people fucking nuts.  But that’s what you have to find and it's tough.  I think that people don’t give it the respect that it deserves.  I think that sexual incompatibility probably causes a lot more divorces than anybody admits.  ‘Why are you getting divorce?’  Cause she won’t fuck me.  Makes me sound like a douche bag.  But I guarantee that’s probably the answer more times than not.  I don’t know a lot of couples that have a great sex life that end up getting divorced. And by great I don’t mean everyday, I just mean they are both satisfied with the other.  It’s probably a good meter. 

Is there anything to close with that we didn’t cover? 

I don’t have to wear the playboy bunny outfit do I?  ...I think the big thing to consider is whether or not sexual addiction even exists.  Or if it’s just this concept that people have used to make normal behavior bad.  Addiction is overwhelmingly negative; nobody thinks that they are addicted to something in a good way.  The very word has a negative connotation so you add something that somebody is doing and you put addict after it and you all of the sudden make whatever it is they’re doing bad..  I think that there probably are people that abuse sex, but again I think that there is probably another component.  I go back to my ‘Nobody thinks that you’re a hand washing addict.’  They think you have obsessive compulsive disorder.  And I’m sure this manifests itself sexually sometimes.  There’s got to be somebody out there that can do nothing but try to have sex and (chime) that is probably a huge burden.  But I bet that there is something medically wrong with them (chime). 

Are you trying to hook up with somebody right now? 

Uhhhh (looks at phone)….no…it is not my girlfriend.  I guess that’s where I’d start, if you can only try to have sex and nothing else then you probably have some untreated mental illness.  It’s probably at that level where it becomes less about the sex and more about whatever is going on in your head.  For me, I did have too much sex at a certain point because I was neglecting other things, but it wasn’t because I was a sex addict it was because I was lazy.  And also, in a lot of ways, it was probably because I was an untreated bipolar. I was miserable. I tried to kill myself later on that year.  It should be no surprise that all of it wasn’t a piece of the same but that being said I think I do have a higher sex drive than the average.  I have sex with more people than the average but I only think that because of what I read in the paper.  Maybe if everyone was honest I’d realize that I was the normal and everyone that hated sex was abnormal.  Maybe we’re all sitting around thinking that we’re all sex addicts when the truth of the matter is we’re all perfectly normal and just keep our mouths shut…that’s just an outright lie. But I don’t need to get fired, and have all of these problems because what I do in my private life. I’m not ashamed by it; I’m just not stupid. Do you have any other questions? 

No, that’s all I have. 

It's eighteen inches and did you see Boogie Nights? It looks like that one. 

I didn’t see Boogie Nights. 

They used mine as a stunt cock, yeah, I just stood in.