Exactly.  And it’s always something like that where it’s like, okay, if this is see through and red and low cut…if it were just two of those things you could conceivably wear it to work but it’s all three…who designs this shit?  But that means it will be practically free when I buy it.  In terms of weirdest…a few weeks ago, this gentleman tells me what to wear, and of course it’s a garter belt.  This garter belt hose that had this really elaborate like crossy hatchy pattern thing, so elaborate that it had almost no stretch to it so it was like impossible to get on and he wants me to wear this always with open toed sling back shoes with a stiletto heel and a shirt dress…again, super attractive for a woman of my size…I had to buy it at the discount store cause, hideous…and I thought, ‘Oh god, I can’t believe I have to walk through a hotel lobby wearing this, I look like an idiot.’  And usually if I meet someone at their home I don’t really mind but I’m thinking, ugh, really?  I have to get out of my car in this?  I look like an idiot. 

Do you ever wear a coat? 

I do.  I have a lot of coats.  But it doesn’t help you with the shoes and the hose. 

That’s true. 

And there’s only so much you can do, I can’t carry sweat pants or anything because then I can’t get those in my bag.  And of course I have a billion and one clients where they really think I wear that over?  I mean seriously?  Dude, I had a sweat suit on over top of it and took it off in your driveway!  And now I’m here, okay, do you really think I wore this? Drove here in this?  You’re an idiot! You know, with the see through top with no bra, and the micro mini…God!  And then occasionally people want the weird costumey things, like the nurse…sometimes but not often.  Of course there are some perennial favorites, nurse always popular.  School girl, a classic.  I don’t get requests for school girls very often these days, I’m not 22 anymore you know, but one day I had two back to back which like to never happens and I’m wearing my little school girl outfit and I hadn’t realized the archetype of the school girl can go both ways.  She can both be very aggressive, very assertive, very demanding, have a lot of sexual agency, or she can be small and meek and very demur.  It goes both ways!  I had not really thought about it that way.  So she’s either a virgin or a whore…in the same outfit!  With slight alterations…but mostly the same outfit.  And I said to my friend, you know, I never thought about it, and he said, ‘Well, it depends on what music video you listen to.’  It was really fascinating having them back to back.  Here was the school girl character but one person had such a different idea of what a school girl would be up to versus someone else where she’s very aggressive versus where she’s very passive. Every once in a while, but not that often, I am able to find shit at Wal-Mart, because they want something specific into a larger outfit, like white hose.  Eww…whatever. 

Like Mary Janes… 

What do I do with those?  First off I wear a nine, you know how hard that is to find?  Thank God for the internet…Anyway, so I bought like white hose or something and it just always amuses me when I’m buying this shit at Wal-Mart, and then people say to me, ‘Oh, god those are great, where did you get them?’ 

Do you lie? 

Yeah, I always lie.  So my super power is: I can see women in movies and on TV and know what brand lingerie they’re wearing. That’s my super power and sometimes down to the line but not always.  For example, there was this episode of Law & Order one time where this woman was wearing the bra and panties but she wasn’t wearing the matching panties she was wearing different panties from a different line and then later in that episode she was coming home and she was wearing a different panty which wasn’t the one where it started, but I don’t think anyone else noticed cause they were similar.  So this is my super power; I can identify lingerie brands and sometimes specific styles in all movies and TV because they’re always wearing higher end stuff.  And my second superpower: you can actually see the evolution of it, like, it was La Perla and then Wacoal did it and now it’s at Target. And you can see the decline as it goes. It’s amazing and you can tell what it’s supposed to be a copy of…it’s fascinating.  And it’s amazing that it’s at all different price points, that it’s the same thing but it’s very clearly different.  It’s not just like, ‘Oh it’s a similar style...'  It’s a straight up copy.  And again another reason not to leave sex work, completely irrelevant in the whole rest of the world. 

No, it is relevant, maybe you could be…if you ever wanted to leave it or even do something on the side for fun…you could be like a fashion novelist person in an online magazine..for fun!  Dear She?  Oh, what should I wear…? 

So I have this specific style for work and I start evaluating all clothing based on it, which is ridiculous, and also as a hooker, I don’t wear accessories ever because it’s a problematic thing. Now I can’t accessorize, I can’t accessorize worth shit.  It’s ridiculous, I’ve lost the ability. 

So there are no jewelry requests? 

Occasionally people want you to wear chokers but almost never.  And I try to stay away from jewelry, though I always have my watch, because you are going to snag that earring as you lean over or the necklace hangs and your bracelets are going to get stuck on…something…It’s just…trust me, I tried that when I started and learned quickly.  Jewelry is a bad move; it’s not going to work.  On TV hookers are plastered in jewelry; no one really does that…and I can’t even go into the store without looking at all the hosiery… 

What are you wearing right now? 

Not very much, baby ;-)