Would you say you get requests more often than not? 

No.  Again, they have specifically chosen because whatever they are into is the thing I’m normally doing.  If they are into skirt and heels, I do that.  Now, occasionally, if you didn’t show up that way the first time they’ll say would you do X? And of course I’ll do X.  And, you know, every once in a while somebody with a fetish for something comfy like jeans or tennis shoes…I love them!  That never happens, very rare.  Or the guy who really likes sports bras, I love that guy!  But yeah that like next to never happens.  But they get super specific and then of course all the open toed, stiletto heels…which back in the day made me unique and got me a lot of money but, now, the last pair I bought, no shit at Macy’s.  How am I supposed to differentiate myself?  Wear orthopedic shoes?  What the fuck is that?  The pornification of America is a real problem for prostitutes. 

It will go away.  I tell you.  It’s the Eighties.  It is.  Look at the hat that I just bought.  That’s the Eighties right there.  That will go away in about ten years or less, probably five.  You’ll be fine.  Because when the Eighties came back I was like what’s with all the stripper shoes?  Seriously, with the cuffs?  That’s so Eighties.  You know those heels I had on, the black patent leather, they had even more strippery shoes at Payless now because somebody else bought them… 

You bought those at Payless?? 

Yes. 

Wow. Well the weird thing, though, is so you see them in stores, who the fuck’s wearing them? 

Young girls. 

Young girls.  You don’t see women our age wearing them. 

No, except me. 

And me…but it fascinates me.  Like I said, it used to be how we differentiated ourselves and now… I used to have to go to specialized stripper stores to buy those shoes and now they’re everywhere.  They’re just fucking everywhere. I’ve bought them at consignment stores; I bought my last pair of stiletto red heels at the Goodwill.  No shit, Goodwill.  What did a stripper drop off her clothes at the Goodwill? 

Clothes management is like a huge part of my day and my job.  I have a really good system, I have everything organized, and seriously it took me like years to come up with this.  I wish I would have done it sooner because it would have saved me all this fucking time.  I have everything organized by color, by style, and then individually.  So that when someone calls; boom, boom, boom, I’m ready to go; I don’t have to look for shit. I don’t have my regular shit like that, just my work stuff… 

So what you do when you’re creating your hooker outfit? You start with whatever he likes the most.  Is it hosiery?  Is it bras?  Is it skirts?  Well, you find what he likes the best and then you work your outfit up from there…Ahh, what will go with these hose?  What will go with this bra?  And work from there. 

That’s good tips. 

Thank you. 

Seriously, we are a fashion magazine. 

Seriously! You need to start with that piece that’s most important and then match!  I had this one idiot motherfucker, right, who says to me, he was really into open toed shoes and it took me forever to figure out exactly what kind he liked and now I have a bunch of shit I can’t use.  But, anyway, and so I show up with a different pair every single time he sees me.  I do that on purpose cause I keep track, you idiot, and he says to me, ‘Wow, you have a lot of shoes.’  This I do.  And I’m thinking to myself, I buy one a fucking week for you.  And he said something to me and I said, ‘Well I bought these for you.’  And he goes, ‘You’ve been buying new shoes?’  And I said, ‘Yeah…’ thinking, you’re an idiot!  He said, ‘Well, that’s like forty pairs of shoes!’  Yeah!!  It is!